Holidays & Heartaches: 4 Tips for Coping this Season

By Courtney Paton,  MSN, PMHNP-BC

3 minute read

The holidays are not merry and bright for everyone. Especially for those who have lost loved ones, are alone or recently experienced a break up. Those with dysfunctional family dynamics can also face the holiday season with dread and sadness. If you can relate, don’t despair. You can still find ways to make it through the season and even enjoy yourself. Here are some tips:

1. Celebrate the good.

Celebrate those you have loved who are no longer with you by incorporating them in special ways in your traditions. Make a recipe they made or reminds you of them. Tell a story at the dinner table that makes you smile or laugh and remember them in a way that they would want to be remembered. When the idea of going to see or spend time with certain relatives makes you feel anxious or cringe, remember that you can “honor what is honorable” in a person and choose to focus on that instead of the traits or past interactions that make things difficult. This can be helpful with a parent or step-parent, sibling or in-law. Also, respect your personal limits and boundaries when spending time at family gatherings and make an early exit if you find yourself getting “too large of a dose” of someone you find triggering. 

2. If you are alone or without family, put yourself around others.

Being alone on big holidays can cause us to mentally go inward and dwell on the reasons we are alone-loss of family connections, estrangement from family, break ups- but this doesn’t have to be where we center our thoughts. Ask yourself, is there something I have always wanted to do or a place I’ve thought of traveling that I could use this time to experience? Are there ways that I could volunteer my time to take the focus off my loneliness and help others in need? Finally, are there friends who I consider my chosen family that I can gather with that will make me feel I belong and am cared for? Choose to be around others regardless of whether they are new friends you make on a trip, neighbors you’d like to get to know better or people in your community you can serve.

3. Practice Self Care

During the vacation time most of us get during the holidays is an excellent time to plan some time for self care. That can be a pedicure, a massage, a movie marathon, relaxing baking, a leisurely stroll through Target with a Starbucks drink in hand or a hot bath with essential oils. Something as simple as 30 minutes walking in nature can be self care too. Whatever you find soothing, calming and leaves you less anxious works. Spend some time thinking about what things you ordinarily don’t make time for that lift your mood and treat yourself. 

4. Focus on what makes this season special, to you.

Sometimes we feel that if we are alone for the holidays or not in the ideal place with our families that we can’t or don’t want to celebrate at all. Does that make any sense though? That you are somehow less deserving or not allowed to enjoy the good things the season has to offer simply because you aren’t living in a Hallmark card? No! You matter and you have the ability to “extract” the things you find best and most enjoyable about the holidays and do those alone or with whomever makes you happy! Do you love a good holiday movie and sipping cocoa? Does Black Friday shopping bring you a thrill? Are you someone who loves making Christmas cookies or the nightly traditions of Hanukkah? Do these things and find joy in them just for you. Focus on the beautiful reasons why you celebrate the season whether that’s your faith tradition, the peace of a snowy night or simply time off away from work to rest and rejuvenate. 

We at Lavender are here to support you when holiday times are tough. We offer therapy and medication management all in one convenient virtual environment. If you are a current client, be open with your provider that you’re struggling so they can come up with individual ways to help you best face the holiday season. If you are considering starting treatment, now is an excellent time to create a connection with a psychiatric nurse practitioner who can help. 

You may not be able to control your family dynamics, relationship status or what loved ones remain in your life during this time but you can choose where you focus your energies and thoughts. Refuse to sink and feel stuck in sadness, choose joy.