Making Space for Grief Without Getting Lost in It
By The Lavender Team
3 min read
Have you noticed that you might be grieving differently than someone else you love? Sometimes, grieving can be big and loud, like in the movies where someone breaks down in tears. Other times, it’s more quiet and still, like when someone is unable to speak. You might think there’s a right way to grieve because we think we see what grief is supposed to look like. But when we’re faced with it ourselves, it often feels different.
Grief is incredibly personal, and it shows up in many different ways. In the middle of everyday life, it’s not always easy to know how to make the right space to grieve. You might wonder if you're feeling too much, not enough, or even whether you're doing it right. The truth is, there’s really no correct way to grieve.
What can help is allowing yourself to move through it with patience and care. A framework that some people find comforting is understanding the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages aren’t rules or a checklist, but a way to name some of the common emotional experiences that can come and go when we go through a loss. It’s completely normal to move back and forth between stages, skip over a few, or experience them in a different order. Let’s talk about each stage a little more to help you understand how they might show up in your own journey.
The Five Stages of Grief
Stage 1: Denial
For most people, grieving often starts with denial. It’s the mind’s way of easing into the reality of a loss. In this stage, things may feel unreal, almost as if you’re watching life happen from the outside. You might find yourself going through the motions, unsure of how to feel.
This stage gives your mind and your heart a moment to catch up. It offers space to slowly begin processing what’s happened at a pace that feels manageable. Small things, like talking to a friend, family member, professional, or taking a few moments to breathe, can help you feel more at ease.
Stage 2: Anger
It’s possible for anger to show up in different ways, including frustration, irritability, or even as resentment. Behind the anger, there’s usually pain and confusion—two emotions that deserve attention and care to heal.
Anger is not something to try and ignore or be ashamed of. Whether it’s through movement, creativity, or conversation, finding healthy ways to release anger can bring a sense of relief, and talk therapy is just one of the ways that offers a safe space to dig deeper into this emotion without judgment.
Stage 3: Bargaining
Bargaining can happen when your mind tries to explore all the different scenarios that could have avoided the loss—it’s all those “what if” situations that you might replay in your mind, looking for different outcomes or asking questions that don’t have easy answers.
This stage is a sign that you’re trying to understand what happened, and a reflection of how much someone mattered to you. Talking through this stage with a psych NP can ease the burden of guilt or regret and help shift the focus toward self-care or acceptance.
Stage 4: Depression
During this stage, the loss of someone may settle in more deeply, feeling like a heavy weight that you’re carrying around. Depression in the grieving process is not a weakness, but a sign that your heart is honoring the loss and acknowledging the impact that someone has had on your life.
It can be hard to be gentle with yourself most here. Even though grief can feel like there’s no end in sight, therapy can help create a safe, supportive space to explore these feelings without needing to fix or rush them. A psych NP can work with you to understand your emotional state more deeply and offer tools to cope with your mix of emotions.
Stage 5: Acceptance
It’s common for grieving individuals to feel guilty for being in the acceptance stage. Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with what happened—instead, it means you’re learning how to understand it and move forward.
You may be beginning to reconnect with life as it was before your loss or discovering new ways to honor your loved one. We encourage everyone to find their own path to peace, and that journey can look different for each person. And remember, it’s okay if it happens gradually and not all of a sudden.
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and wherever you are in it right now, you are moving through it in the way that’s right for you. At Lavender Psychiatry, we understand that no two paths are the same. Whenever you’re ready to find your path forward, we’re here to help you take that first step toward healing. We’ll explore the type of support that will work best for you, whether it’s through talk therapy, self-care practices, or, if needed, medication management.