Patient Parenting, an Oxymoron?
By Pritma Dhillon-Chattha, DNP, MHA, RN.
Proud [and sometimes frustrated] mother of a 3 & 6 year old.
3 minute read
Have you ever felt like the term "patient parenting" is an oxymoron? We can all agree that parenting is a tough, 24/7 job that requires patience, understanding, and a whole lot of love. But when your little ones are throwing tantrums, refusing to eat, or just generally pushing your buttons, staying patient can feel like an impossible feat.
So, is patient parenting really possible, or is it just a pipe dream? I believe that it’s absolutely possible, but is a learned behavior that requires presence and intention to achieve. Let's take a closer look at why patient parenting is so important.
First of all, being a patient parent means that you're setting a positive example for your kids. When you react calmly and patiently to their tantrums or misbehavior, you're showing them how to handle emotions such as anxiety and frustration in a level-headed way. You're also teaching them that it's okay to feel your feelings, in a productive way, so you can learn what’s under them.
Second, being patient can actually help to reduce stress and conflict in your household. When you're able to stay calm and collected in the face of challenging behavior, you're less likely to get into arguments or power struggles with your kids. This can lead to a more harmonious home environment and can help everyone feel more relaxed and happy.
Finally, let's not forget about the benefits to your relationship with your children. When you're patient and understanding, you're building trust and a strong bond with your kids. They'll be more likely to come to you when they're struggling, and you'll be able to support them through their ups and downs.
Of course, being a patient parent isn't always easy. There will be times when you feel like you're at the end of your rope and just can't take it anymore. In those moments, practice presence and mindfulness by allowing your attention to rest with the sensations of breathing in, and breathing out - even stepping away for a moment to do so. It's better to take a few minutes to center yourself than to react in anger.
Patient parenting takes practice and is well worth the investment. I frequently find myself asking my kids: ‘can you please use your words to help me understand why you’re upset’ and that ‘I don’t know how to help you if I don’t know what you’re upset about’’. I give them space, but not attention, if they throw a tantrum. I will walk away and call their bluff (while hiding behind a close corner, watching) - once they calm down, they know I’ll be there to listen. By staying calm and curious, we can help our kids grow into happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults.
Nonetheless, parenting is hard and can cause anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress among parents. If you need to talk to someone about your mental health, Lavender can help. You’re not alone. Lavender offers online appointments with board-certified psychiatric nurse practitioners who can provide both talk therapy and medication options as you navigate your feelings together.
